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Literature Text
Remind Me Who I Once Was
Snowflake Wings
Laura Barton
Winter is not commonly a time for new life, but rather a time for rest. Barren trees cast their skeletal shadows across the untouched snow that still manages to sparkle despite the grey sky. Those not in their own form of hibernation and tucked away from the elements are ultimately trying to survive those same elements in whatever way they possibly can. Even mighty humans seek shelter from the cold, though they often find the need to jump headlong into it, as if challenging it in battle.
Thus, it was an odd sort of day in the dead of winter. It's true that most were going along as normal, scampering about to get their work done so they could hole themselves up again, but one family of creatures was preoccupied with something else entirely. On this chill day in the Canadian Arctic, a day that had been preceded by several other odd days, something was happening.
There was soft warmth around her; warmth that rarely left and that she had come to be comfortable with. There were also scents, some coming and going, but a few that provided the same sort of comfortable familiarity since they were constantly there. The sounds varied often, despite any familiar voices that crept in. Loud sounds, then quiet, then loud-volumes that seemed to shake the ground beneath her, as if to crack it apart and swallow her whole. In these times, she stayed close to the voices that uttered gentle words of comfort. What she could taste was one of the most constant things-more or less the same every time with subtle, but noticeable, differences.
The other most constant thing was that it was always dark. Sometimes this dark would lighten just a little, but it was still just blackness. Other times, it would deepen in its colour, engulfing her even more. For what seemed like an eternity, whether waking or sleeping, the dark persisted.
What it was that possessed her this day to banish the darkness, she would never be sure. Yet, suddenly, she just knew that the world wasn't meant to be like this. She just knew there was more to see than a never-ending blackness that gave no show of what was providing her comfort. An eternity ago, she hadn't thought of this, but now she wasn't about to back down.
In that moment, silver eyes banished the darkness, opening to the light.
Snowflake Wings
Laura Barton
Winter is not commonly a time for new life, but rather a time for rest. Barren trees cast their skeletal shadows across the untouched snow that still manages to sparkle despite the grey sky. Those not in their own form of hibernation and tucked away from the elements are ultimately trying to survive those same elements in whatever way they possibly can. Even mighty humans seek shelter from the cold, though they often find the need to jump headlong into it, as if challenging it in battle.
Thus, it was an odd sort of day in the dead of winter. It's true that most were going along as normal, scampering about to get their work done so they could hole themselves up again, but one family of creatures was preoccupied with something else entirely. On this chill day in the Canadian Arctic, a day that had been preceded by several other odd days, something was happening.
There was soft warmth around her; warmth that rarely left and that she had come to be comfortable with. There were also scents, some coming and going, but a few that provided the same sort of comfortable familiarity since they were constantly there. The sounds varied often, despite any familiar voices that crept in. Loud sounds, then quiet, then loud-volumes that seemed to shake the ground beneath her, as if to crack it apart and swallow her whole. In these times, she stayed close to the voices that uttered gentle words of comfort. What she could taste was one of the most constant things-more or less the same every time with subtle, but noticeable, differences.
The other most constant thing was that it was always dark. Sometimes this dark would lighten just a little, but it was still just blackness. Other times, it would deepen in its colour, engulfing her even more. For what seemed like an eternity, whether waking or sleeping, the dark persisted.
What it was that possessed her this day to banish the darkness, she would never be sure. Yet, suddenly, she just knew that the world wasn't meant to be like this. She just knew there was more to see than a never-ending blackness that gave no show of what was providing her comfort. An eternity ago, she hadn't thought of this, but now she wasn't about to back down.
In that moment, silver eyes banished the darkness, opening to the light.
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Remind Me Who I Once Was
Snowflake Wings
This is Shinjite's story, or the beginnings of it, at least. After my recent poll about what you all thought of her, I wanted to finally start on it. I've wanted to write it for a while, but my main problem was always that I didn't know how I was going to write it.
I didn't want it to turn into some epic journey type novel where there's a bad guy and so on and so forth. I wanted to tell her story, but still be able to take her outside of it, so to speak. As Shinjite is and has been a role play character from the beginning, I don't want to tell a story that will seal off that part of her existance.
We've been reading Alice in Wonderland in my children's literature class, and the style it uses will, I think, fit brilliantly for Shinjite's story.
I have decided that Remind Me Who I Once Was--the long and long ago decided title for Shinjite's story--is going to be episodic. By that, I mean, each "chapter" will be little snippets of her life that don't explicitly connect in all cases, but that do affect her. In this, I can finally share her story, but can still role play with her whenever it comes around to it. X3
This here is the "prologue" in a way. This is not her birth, but rather the first time she opens her eyes. I had planned to start with her birth, but then I thought, "Nah, that's been done and done again."
This is the first time I've actually written about Shinjite as a pup. X3
Decided to call it "Snowflake Wings" because she was born in the winter and I like the title. You may recognize the title from here:
Anyway, I don't know how frequently these will pop up, or, to be honest, in what order, but they will. ^^
Other Episodes
Magic Touch
Shinjite and Remind Me Who I Once Was are copyright to Laura Barton (*lunastar).
Snowflake Wings
This is Shinjite's story, or the beginnings of it, at least. After my recent poll about what you all thought of her, I wanted to finally start on it. I've wanted to write it for a while, but my main problem was always that I didn't know how I was going to write it.
I didn't want it to turn into some epic journey type novel where there's a bad guy and so on and so forth. I wanted to tell her story, but still be able to take her outside of it, so to speak. As Shinjite is and has been a role play character from the beginning, I don't want to tell a story that will seal off that part of her existance.
We've been reading Alice in Wonderland in my children's literature class, and the style it uses will, I think, fit brilliantly for Shinjite's story.
I have decided that Remind Me Who I Once Was--the long and long ago decided title for Shinjite's story--is going to be episodic. By that, I mean, each "chapter" will be little snippets of her life that don't explicitly connect in all cases, but that do affect her. In this, I can finally share her story, but can still role play with her whenever it comes around to it. X3
This here is the "prologue" in a way. This is not her birth, but rather the first time she opens her eyes. I had planned to start with her birth, but then I thought, "Nah, that's been done and done again."
This is the first time I've actually written about Shinjite as a pup. X3
Decided to call it "Snowflake Wings" because she was born in the winter and I like the title. You may recognize the title from here:
Anyway, I don't know how frequently these will pop up, or, to be honest, in what order, but they will. ^^
Other Episodes
Magic Touch
Shinjite and Remind Me Who I Once Was are copyright to Laura Barton (*lunastar).
© 2009 - 2024 lunastar
Comments4
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique ImpactI'm no English major but I think you did an excellent job starting out like this. How you introduced the scene by telling what others were doing (and possibly foreshadowed on the human portion) you gave a nice segway into the den setting without actually saying anything about a den. I really liked how you didn't outwardly state anything but implied what was going on, it can be hard to do and you did it well. You utilized details about what she felt even before she was fully in this world. I also liked how you hinted at her knowing there was more beyond the darkness.
One critique that could change the way this piece flows (which I don't think should be changed) could be to add little details here and there, what scents, what going's on's, etc. I suppose it's fluff but it may add more depth to what you're showing the reader. Perhaps a bit more detail...
Overall a beautiful segment and beginning.